How 9/11 affected us...besides the gas prices!!

9/11~thinking about all the lives that were changed and  the world as we knew it would never be the same.

  I remember Paul stating that he wanted to be involved with protecting our country.  It began a process that changed us forever.

First, he became involved with CERT; then he was hired to work with FEMA...working at least three hurricanes including St Bernard's parrish in New Orleans from Katrina damage. I had to get used to him being gone.  He started telling me, 'you can do anything I can do, just try.'  (I think he knew it wasn't true but he wanted to me to realize that I could do alot of things on my own if I had to.  And I learned he was right.  I could do much more than I thought I was capable of doing. I started riding along with the police before he did :) and I'm a good shot too...just haven't matched his speed yet!)


I remember the cold, winter day when we went to town in Great Bend, KS.  I went to JCPenny's and he went to the sheriff office which was across the street.  Paul walked up as the sheriff was getting out of his truck. The sheriff pointed at him and order him, "I want you to be in the next reserve deputy training class.  I'll tell the deputy in charge."  Paul had wanted to get in since 9/11 but the door never opened.  This door just opened wide and he knew it was nothing of his doings, but God's.

  He loved working with the Barton County Sheriff department.  In fact, several couldn't believe it when we were going to move.  One said, "If Paul is quitting reserves, believe it, he's moving." :)  He has a lot of fond memories of that time.

After moving to Independence, once our house was built, he joined the Montgomery County sheriff department as a reserve officer. Before that, someone close to us, suggested that he hire on at the police department here.  He really wasn't interested :)  But God began leading and directing.

I'm a 'worry wart' but I wasn't even worried when he applied for the job.  I just knew that was where God wanted him because of all the steps to this place and that he would get the job.  The only thing I was worried about was Paul passing the typing test!!  I had him practicing typing test trying to get him to pass :) He did....barely!  Paul asked them if he could wait a couple months before starting (he hired on in December and didn't start until February) as he was finishing building a house. They had never been asked that before, but it was no problem :)

I was worried how I would make it through the 14 weeks of Academy when he was gone.  Once again, those times in Great Bend when he was gone for FEMA etc. had started preparing me.  And we made it.  It wasn't without it's stresses and difficulties, but we saw the end and made it to graduation!  I felt like I was graduating too...I mean I had studied for those tests also :)

Just because God opened doors that He wanted us to go through, doesn't mean it has all been easy.  Some things have been some of the hardest things to walk through.  But knowing you are doing what God wants  you to do, regardless of what others may think, brings assurance that He is walking right beside you.  I try not to think about this, but often when I hug him goodbye or say 'I love you' as we end our phone call, I think "that may be the last time."  I don't know.  Only God knows.  I do know that policemen do have risks that the average citizen doesn't face.  I know they face a lot of disrespect and get called names that most people never hear called to their face.  I know that their heart breaks (at least Paul's does) over the sin and hurt in this world.  I see it in his eyes.  In the tired lines on his face.  In the long hours when he has to spend working on reports when his mind can't think any longer.

I know that for our family, 9/11 changed us.  But it's made us proud to be Americans, proud of those who serve, proud to loan out someone dearest to us to help others in the community....and thankful for each day we have a little longer together.  I love you, Paul and I'm glad that you are a police officer even when some days are beyond difficult. I'm proud of you!

Broken pieces (repost)

I'm so out of here....I'm checking out....know what I mean? Know the feeling? Life is so over whelming at times. Sometimes the past terrors lurk in the shadows jumping out at unexpected times. At times all it takes is a comment, a nightmare, a memory and you're shattered, broken and 'checking' out. For your information, 'checking out' is also called dissociation. For some of us, it leaves us in tears, sick and shaken not knowing how to handle even the mundane things of life.

Last night I couldn't sleep....I was sick and in tears...the nightmares were coming back...not as horrible as it has been...but enough. I kept praying "God I can't handle this right now. I don't have a support system here....but mainly I don't want to deal with it again." Now, some think that the past is past and it doesn't help to deal with it. That might work for you, but healing for me comes with dealing through the pain. I have 'healed' tremendously but it has taken a lot of hard work, a lot of tears, a lot of prayer and dark days. And a lot of support from those who understand the path I walk. Paul prayed for me last night; aspirin stopped the fevers and the nightmares weren't as bad as they could have been.

This morning when I awoke because of the nightmares, I wasn't doing too well. I started quoting scripture in my mind so that I could reassure myself of God's promises. I then read some of them from my Bible which I would like to share. But before that, let me say that Max was having a tough day as well. He wanted to look out the window....so he leaped from the table with the glass chess set to the window sill but didn't leap high enough....the coffee cup with coffee splashed every where....the really cool bowl that I loved with it's decor balls shattered to the floor. Max went running. I picked him up and let him know that he was loved and it was okay. It's only material things. It really shook him up cause with in minutes he vomited on the floor...hardwood so it wasn't hard to clean. As I picked up the pieces, I thought "what can I do to salvage these pieces? They are really cool." Then I thought, "how much God does that with us...He picks up the pieces of our lives...pieces we break even though we didn't mean to, pieces others break...sometimes on purpose...sometimes not intending too...but we hurt anyway. It's ruined just like my bowl and broken balls. One scripture I read this morning was Ps. 109:22 "For I am poor and needy, and my heart is wounded within me." That could be the motto of my life sometimes! Another scripture was Ps. 111:4b."...the Lord is gracious and full of compassion." Here's my pictures to illustrate what I've said.

The gorgeous bowl....now broken and useless....until....
The shattered pieces of my decor on the floor.
Today I felt like they were the shattered pieces of my life on the floor too.
(keep scrolling down for the rest of the story...)

Blogger won't let me type between the above photos but they have a story and here it is.
The decor balls wouldn't fit up against the bowl had they not been broken. They would not have nestled and fit with it if life hadn't hurt them....broken them....or if I had thrown them in the trash. But instead I looked for a way to make them beautiful. I didn't 'fix' anything (of course, because I'm not GOD :)...I just found the best place for them to be. They are also protected in the spot that they are in. Truthfully, I like them better where they are now than where they were before! They make a beautiful arrangement. I'm keeping the other pieces as I might find another use for them somewhere. In the meantime, I know that this arrangement will remind me that God can use the broken, messed up pieces of our lives....even when we didn't do it ourselves but someone else did...to make something beautiful....in HIS time! 2009

Whosoever Will May Come

www.facebook.com/WWMCministries