you never know...

The other night I was leaving Walmart.  I was overwhelmed, not feeling well...to put it mildly

...in other words, I felt terrible!....and functioning on minimum. I put the sacks in the van.

It was late, there were very few cars and several carts that needed to be put away.  I left my cart and got into the van.  After I got in the van, I realized that there was a cart corral close.

A lady was walking by, grabbed my cart, gave me a look like "can't you put it away," then shoved it into the cart corral.  I thought, "lady, if you even knew..."

She had know idea what I was dealing with, how I felt and how much effort it would take to get out and put the cart away.  I was doing good to  make it home that night.

One thing that frustrates me is when I hear adults, mainly teachers, talking about kid's parents and how they don't do this or show up for that etc.  They heavily blame the parents when inside I'm crying and thinking, "you never knew how much of a miracle it was that I got up and was able to get my kids to school." "You don't know how much I wish I could have been a normal parent.  To be able to go through the backpack, get the notes I was suppose to get, etc."  "Do you realize that is one of the low priorities when keeping alive is the greatest need?"  I cry for those kids, for my kids, for those parents who are doing what they can, and wish that teachers and people would understand.

I had doctors tell me that they wished I felt as good as I looked.  I think they were trying to be kind.... ;) plus half of the time, they had no answer for the symptoms I was experiencing.

It was a reminder to me that things aren't always how they look.  That I need to look at others and realize that they might have an illness or struggle that isn't apparent to me.  Because you never know.....

...they might be grateful that they were able to walk into the store and back out....I've been there.   They might be thanking God that they were able to get their kids to school even if they were a few minutes late or forgot the note or whatever it was the teacher expected....because for them they lived another day and that was a miracle.  They might be thankful that they aren't in intense constant pain which causes them to function perhaps not as rational than someone else might.  Or they could be in so much pain, that it's a way of life, and they learn to cope the best they can.  The list could go on.

I wanted to feel angry and hurt at the lady who gave me a dirty look when she put her hands on the shopping cart.  I was past feeling....I already hurt so much....but it did remind me to look at others with more understanding and compassion because you never know.