Friday, August 19, 2011

Broken pieces (repost)

I'm so out of here....I'm checking out....know what I mean? Know the feeling? Life is so over whelming at times. Sometimes the past terrors lurk in the shadows jumping out at unexpected times. At times all it takes is a comment, a nightmare, a memory and you're shattered, broken and 'checking' out. For your information, 'checking out' is also called dissociation. For some of us, it leaves us in tears, sick and shaken not knowing how to handle even the mundane things of life.

Last night I couldn't sleep....I was sick and in tears...the nightmares were coming back...not as horrible as it has been...but enough. I kept praying "God I can't handle this right now. I don't have a support system here....but mainly I don't want to deal with it again." Now, some think that the past is past and it doesn't help to deal with it. That might work for you, but healing for me comes with dealing through the pain. I have 'healed' tremendously but it has taken a lot of hard work, a lot of tears, a lot of prayer and dark days. And a lot of support from those who understand the path I walk. Paul prayed for me last night; aspirin stopped the fevers and the nightmares weren't as bad as they could have been.

This morning when I awoke because of the nightmares, I wasn't doing too well. I started quoting scripture in my mind so that I could reassure myself of God's promises. I then read some of them from my Bible which I would like to share. But before that, let me say that Max was having a tough day as well. He wanted to look out the he leaped from the table with the glass chess set to the window sill but didn't leap high enough....the coffee cup with coffee splashed every where....the really cool bowl that I loved with it's decor balls shattered to the floor. Max went running. I picked him up and let him know that he was loved and it was okay. It's only material things. It really shook him up cause with in minutes he vomited on the floor...hardwood so it wasn't hard to clean. As I picked up the pieces, I thought "what can I do to salvage these pieces? They are really cool." Then I thought, "how much God does that with us...He picks up the pieces of our lives...pieces we break even though we didn't mean to, pieces others break...sometimes on purpose...sometimes not intending too...but we hurt anyway. It's ruined just like my bowl and broken balls. One scripture I read this morning was Ps. 109:22 "For I am poor and needy, and my heart is wounded within me." That could be the motto of my life sometimes! Another scripture was Ps. 111:4b."...the Lord is gracious and full of compassion." Here's my pictures to illustrate what I've said.

The gorgeous broken and useless....until....
The shattered pieces of my decor on the floor.
Today I felt like they were the shattered pieces of my life on the floor too.
(keep scrolling down for the rest of the story...)

Blogger won't let me type between the above photos but they have a story and here it is.
The decor balls wouldn't fit up against the bowl had they not been broken. They would not have nestled and fit with it if life hadn't hurt them....broken them....or if I had thrown them in the trash. But instead I looked for a way to make them beautiful. I didn't 'fix' anything (of course, because I'm not GOD :)...I just found the best place for them to be. They are also protected in the spot that they are in. Truthfully, I like them better where they are now than where they were before! They make a beautiful arrangement. I'm keeping the other pieces as I might find another use for them somewhere. In the meantime, I know that this arrangement will remind me that God can use the broken, messed up pieces of our lives....even when we didn't do it ourselves but someone else make something HIS time! 2009


Mrs. Allen said...

Beautiful post Vicki!! I loved this!! Mandy